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Auto Alarm

Auto Alarm

by Steve on February 21, 2009

It’s 06:00 on Saturday morning. I knew this even before looking. How, you ask? Out in the back yard, equidistant from the house and all surrounding neighbors, is a 100 pound baritone full volume always on alarm clock. Moose. He doesn’t bark, he woofs – usually only a single woof. But it’s a deep, from the gut, raise the dead, rattle the windows woof. If he’s particularly anxious to be set free from the confines of the dog run he’ll follow up shortly with a double if the single didn’t at least turn some lights on in the house. He knows the double is a risk – learned from his early days as a pup when a bark collar was installed. He hasn’t had a bark collar on in over two years but he learned very quickly that a single bark would not trigger a correction or if it did it was only a mild tickle.

By 06:00 he’s ready to run. Been ready for a while as a matter of fact. He’s rarely late and too frequently early. I have no clue what time that dog wakes up but I have learned that you don’t want to turn on the light in the bathroom if you make a trip during the wee hours. Moose is watching, waiting for any sign of life, a light in a window, the clank of a pan from the kitchen. WOOF, WOOF…

Duck season can be tough. It adjusts his internal clock to an inhumane hour. Which is fine if you’re actually planning to get up and go duck hunting but on the other mornings it’s hell. Multiple trips to the door to whisper/yell/beg for “Quiet!”

Here’s the punchline: after insisting that he be set free and scoring his morning Milkbones, he joyfully runs laps in the backyard and as soon as the sun clears the ridge he finds a nice spot and settles in for a nap. A NAP! The nerve. I’m thinking a sneak attack involving a bull horn is in order. See how he likes a taste of his own medicine. Wait until I see his paws twitching and jowls flapping, indicating deep dream-filled sleep, then in my best impersonation of a Marine DI go full volume next to his big brown noggin with the bull horn.

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“What?”

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Now I know where all the bird feed is disappearing!

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Never a bull-horn around when you need it!

{ 1 comment }

Kath February 21, 2009 at 11:48

Ohhh, c’mon, he’s so cute! (See, I can say that bec. he doesn’t live here or next door!!)

I have a cat that thinks if you roll over or — actually, if you just even MOVE in your sleep, that means prob. she should walk over your head and look down into your face to see if your eyes are open or if she can pat your face enough to get your eyes to open. You know, just to see why you were moving.

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