Space for Sale

by Steve on April 17, 2012

At some point some brilliant marketer decided “Hey, guys stare at it anyway, might as well give them a reason.” And the ass ad was born. Absolutely stupid tacky brilliance. Why limit free marketing to a silly little icon on the chest that you can’t see from ten feet away when you can plaster your name across her backside and get her to pay (more) for it?

Can’t you hear the boardroom chatter proclaiming “rediculous, it will never sell”? Wrong. Sorry Mr. Chairman but never underestimate the stupidity of sheeple. The herd mentality will lead them over any cliff.

Several years ago, when the ass ad was still fairly new, we were down in the Bahamas on a recon/resupply mission to Nippers. The place packs out for the Sunday pig roast and there’s a theory I was tossing around regarding missed flights out of Treasure on Sundays but it got lost somewhere in the rum testing. Yes, testing is demanding work. The sun was hot, I was thirsty, and that big lunch had me on the verge of a full-blown food coma when a vision appeared. She was full of youth and attitude with the credentials to back it. The rum cleared as she passed by me and I caught the reverse angle which was perfectly matched to the forward. I couldn’t believe any woman, even one with her attributes and confidence, would dare to wear a skimpy bikini with the word “Juicy” splashed from hip to hip. Now keep in mind this was several years ago and I pay no attention to fashion. Could care less. I did not see a brand, I saw a statement.

“Yes, yes it is,” I mumbled incoherently.

My wife turned and spotted the source of my distraction and snorted her little drink umbrella into lower orbit. She was laughing so hard she couldn’t speak.


“Whaaaa… you mean like LL Bean?” Can you imagine that ass ad?

This all came swirling out of the mental fog the other day at Walmart – unfortunately it was recalled by the inverse of Abacos Juicy. You’ve seen the awful pictures – we all have. I know some of those are photoshopped, they have to be otherwise aliens are a foregone conclusion and we’re all doomed. I witnessed one firsthand. Imagine six yards of poly-cotton with PINK proudly displayed.

Why? I don’t get it.

{ 1 comment }

caroline clark April 18, 2012 at 6:28

Ok… thanks for the giggle…

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