Exercise in Futility

by Steve on January 17, 2009

Get up at 04:00. It’s dark and 18 degrees. Pee on a few things, jump in the back of the Jeep. Uh-oh, bag full of those damn plastic ducks that got me in trouble last weekend. Note to self before passing back out: “no matter how many times they throw the plastic ones – don’t fetch!”

Wake up again at 05:15. Still dark and cold but not as wet as last time. Hmmm… bunch of camo gumby’s… Ahhh, shotguns – now we’re talking. Please leave the canoe on top of the truck.

Run, run, run, roll, sniff… run some more! No swimming!!! This field was a lake last week. Into the woods… looks like water but it’s solid… crack – splash… crack – splash COLD!!! Oh well, as long as it doesn’t get any DEEPER!!… Shrinkage!… it’s okay boys, I’ll lick you back to life here in a minute. What are these guys up to? Busting the solid to get to the liquid so those damn plastic ducks can float around. Hmmm… curious behavior even for this bunch. Therapy might help.

What’s this? A seat for me? You mean I actually get to perch above the water today? How very considerate of you…. On the seat, off the seat, on, off… what? Sit still? Do you know how cold it is? I’m not wearing any pants. This vest thingy is nice but I’d like to see you out here in a shorty this morning. Okay, okay… I’ll sit since you got my butt out of the water.

(45 minutes later as the eastern sky gets light)
Hey, this is my seat – find your own big boy. Not enough room here for two… Hey! Paws!!! Seat hog – when do the ducks show up? Forget to put your order in? Didn’t get the memo they all headed south to avoid the ice? Whaddya mean “quit whining” – I’m telling you they’re not coming.

Good, they’re packing it in. No, no, boys – I’m not allowed to pick up the plastic ones. I’m not falling for that one. See you at the Jeep.

(As we depart:)

Moose: Nice sunrise this morning, Boss. Thanks for dragging me out of bed.

Me: Shut up… you smell like swamp ass.

Moose: You picked the spot, not me.

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